The Double Standard

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I am a single mother and I want to say Happy Daddy’s Day to all the great men out there taking care of their children and possibly someone else’s.  Now that that is out of the way, let me say this: To all of my single, bitter, resentful mother’s – it is not your place to denounce this day or make your PSA’s calling out the deadbeat you selected to procreate with. 

Spare us the paragraph posts about your pitiful plite and how you are wishing yourself and all the other bitter, resentful single moms a happy father’s day.  Do some dads fall short, yes.  On the other hand, aren’t there some moms that have fallen short as well?  I mean let’s be honest, I’ve encountered PLENTY of unfit single mother’s. So ladies, the next time you feel the urge to bash the next man, pick up a mirror and take a good look at the person who needs to be checked.

-We love you dad and don’t let anyone steal your joy today!

Dust Yourself Off & Try Again

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Like many, my past isn’t squeaky clean.  I’ve hurt people and I’ve been hurt.  Over the years motherhood has definitely changed my outlook on life.  Post baby, I’ve tried to be more considerate of others and live by the golden rule.  However, you can’t outrun your past and today my past came calling. 

I’ve remained in contact with this old friend off-and-on over the years but I thought it was an unspoken truth that we would never be again.  I was excited to hear from him and answered believing it to be one of our annual “catch up chats” but I could tell by the tone of his voice that the conversation would be more serious. He began to speak about the old “us” and I feared what was to come next.  Again, I’ve hurt people in my past life.

As I listened intently awaiting my verbal lashing about all the irritating habits or inconsiderate and selfish things I did (yes, I’ve had this talk a time or two before) he surprised me with compliments.  He told me how perfect I was and how over the years he hasn’t been able to replace me or escape thoughts of the old “us.”  He expressed his desire to give “us” another chance, to do it right this time.  He outlined all of the qualities that had kept him checking in with me over the years and for once I was the “the one that got away” (score)!

Although I don’t know what the future may hold for us, I needed to be reminded that I was a good woman and that I had things to offer.   Becoming a single mother was a nearly fatal blow to my ego.  Over the years I’ve put up with more than I ever would prior to having my daughter because deep down inside I felt I no longer embodied the fun, fearless female persona that kept me demanding respect, therefor I didn’t deserve to receive respect.  I was ashamed of myself at times and the men I dated preyed on my vulnerability.

Hearing him speak of all that great things I used to do and how I walked and talked, how confident and passionate I was reminded me of who I am.  Sometimes its nothing like a good ole trip down memory lane to help you regain your focus.  I’ve issued enough second chances to people who didn’t deserve the first one.  Thanks old friend for reminding me that I deserve to give myself a second chance too.    

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I hate to admit it but I’ve always believed in fairy tales.  Unfortunately, over time, life has had a funny way of showing me that fairy tales may be best suited for the television screen.  Nevertheless, after a failed relationship with my daughters father I still believed that the equally fabulous “single-mother me” could find true love (gags while typing).  Yes, dating is hard, but I was ready.

So I met a guy and he was nice.  He brought me flowers, and a polka dot shirt (don’t judge me).  He opened doors and complimented me when I would get dressed, but I was mean to him.  I wasn’t sure if I liked him or his gestures, after all, guys are always nice during the chase…right? Then I began to assess why I was so mean and I realized I was afraid.  I was afraid of a fairy tale love. Although I liked the idea in theory, I felt that in reality it could never be, mainly because I wasn’t perfect.

I had baggage.  I never felt that I was a bag lady before (I always purchase shoes over bags), but meeting him and seeing how perfect he was began to make me see how perfect I wasn’t.  He had no children, a great job, and a wonderful sense of fashion. Yes, I questioned his sexuality at first, but after close examination I determined he was in fact 100 percent heterosexual.

How could I want, and constantly seek perfection from a spouse when I was flawed? I don’t regret my daughter, and he never made me feel like he had a problem with me having a child, but I realized the responsibility that he would be taking on if we became serious and it scared me straight out of my potential fairy tale.  The thought of combinding my daughters life with another person who had the potential of failing us both was overwhelming and I quickly crumbled.

Eventually he became distant, maybe in response to my distance.  Then I thought to myself, anyone not willing to fight for us isn’t right for us.  Conclusion: I’m glad I waited to see if it was real.  Maybe fairy tales do exist and I just haven’t found my prince yet.

Love-Gives-Us-A-Fairytale

1 Billi Owed in Child Support Payments and Taxpayers are Picking Up the Tab

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My stance on child support is equal to my stance on abortion and gay marriage: to each his/her own. While I do feel like there are pros and cons to both sides of the coin, I think the decision to file is best made on a case by case basis. I do not condone parents who use their children as paychecks, nor do I condone non-custodial parents who flee at the first sign of a child care, doctor or dentist note.

Children cost money.  In fact, I strongly concur that God probably was on to something when he recommended a child should be the result of marriage.  Nevertheless, children are still born out of wedlock; furthermore, marriage doesn’t guarantee that bills will be paid and as a result the child will have a better quality of life.

Back to the matter at hand.  To The Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement, you mean to tell me that there is over 1 billion in bad debt incurred from back payments owed to custodial parents? DANG!! That’s a lot diapers, child care hours, dentist visits, college tuition and more.  I’ve seen coworkers checks garnished and you can look in your local paper and view many people arrested for failure to pay child support.  How much of that is chipping away at this debt?

Is there a better way to collect this debt? Could the child support payments be too high? Is visitation included/required in these payments?  Is this overwhelming debt a form of rebellion from those being exploited? If I am a single mother, why are my tax dollars being used to pay for someone else’s child support? I should be exempt from the reimbursement clause, right? These are just a few questions I have.

Feel free to respond to my questions and concerns in the comments section of this post.  I have a feeling others will want to know if they’re exempt as well.

Sincerely,

Concerned tax-paying, non-child support receiving, single mother living slightly above the poverty line. 

read CNNs article here: http://money.cnn.com/2012/11/05/news/economy/unpaid-child-support/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

Lil Reese Beats Up Female

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Lil Reese, Chicago Teen, beats up female

Where do I begin? Is this failed parenting at its peak?  Is it angry black male/female syndrome? Is it the beginning stages of genocide?  The most important and disturbing thing about this video was all of the bystanders getting their camera’s ready to record rather than breaking up an unfair fight.  After all, we live in a digital world right? We wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to have viral fame *shakes head in disbelief*.  I’m appalled and terrified for my child.