Like many, my past isn’t squeaky clean. I’ve hurt people and I’ve been hurt. Over the years motherhood has definitely changed my outlook on life. Post baby, I’ve tried to be more considerate of others and live by the golden rule. However, you can’t outrun your past and today my past came calling.
I’ve remained in contact with this old friend off-and-on over the years but I thought it was an unspoken truth that we would never be again. I was excited to hear from him and answered believing it to be one of our annual “catch up chats” but I could tell by the tone of his voice that the conversation would be more serious. He began to speak about the old “us” and I feared what was to come next. Again, I’ve hurt people in my past life.
As I listened intently awaiting my verbal lashing about all the irritating habits or inconsiderate and selfish things I did (yes, I’ve had this talk a time or two before) he surprised me with compliments. He told me how perfect I was and how over the years he hasn’t been able to replace me or escape thoughts of the old “us.” He expressed his desire to give “us” another chance, to do it right this time. He outlined all of the qualities that had kept him checking in with me over the years and for once I was the “the one that got away” (score)!
Although I don’t know what the future may hold for us, I needed to be reminded that I was a good woman and that I had things to offer. Becoming a single mother was a nearly fatal blow to my ego. Over the years I’ve put up with more than I ever would prior to having my daughter because deep down inside I felt I no longer embodied the fun, fearless female persona that kept me demanding respect, therefor I didn’t deserve to receive respect. I was ashamed of myself at times and the men I dated preyed on my vulnerability.
Hearing him speak of all that great things I used to do and how I walked and talked, how confident and passionate I was reminded me of who I am. Sometimes its nothing like a good ole trip down memory lane to help you regain your focus. I’ve issued enough second chances to people who didn’t deserve the first one. Thanks old friend for reminding me that I deserve to give myself a second chance too.