The Balancing Act

There are days when my mommy skills seem to shine through and illuminate my daughters growth. Then there are days like today when I’m the exact opposite of anything shiny and nice; I’m a “mean mommy,” as my daughter would say. It’s the days when I’ve worked all day and smiled and provided exceptional service to others.  It’s the days when I’ve had to cook and clean and take out the trash and comb hair and give what’s left of my day to someone else.  It’s the days when I know I’ve practiced reading, writing and basic arithmetic with her, yet when we sit down to do homework my daughter is completely clueless as to what is being asked of her.  Then I snap.

I snap because I haven’t a smile left, I haven’t a nerve in reserve nor patience to take time out to assist my own child with her homework and that in itself frustrates and terrifies me.  I’ve realized that most days I spend my energy and time working and socializing out of fear that if I don’t bills won’t be paid and my daughter won’t have a room to play in.  It occurred to me that because I am playing the role of the provider and care taker that it’s hard for me to turn one off and the other on- while the care taker seems to dominate most daily agendas. 

As the demands of my career increases, so do the bonuses.  There’s a company car and gas card, there’s higher pay, there’s all expense paid travel, but what about the major con?  I’ve adopted a philosophy that there are no negatives, but I can’t help but wonder what is to come of my maternal instincts if I am unable to nurture them and put them to good use with my own off spring?  What is to become of this beautiful, innocent girl who at times is extremely lazy, but with guidance, support and unconditional love is completely capable of ruling the world?

We’re all balancing something.  They say nothing is every picture perfect; however when I look into those big brown eyes framed by lashes that grown women envy, I know that perfection exists and it’s often destroyed by negligence.  I pray for strength and more energy because I could never forgive myself if I destroy my greatest creation.   

Running On E

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you eat, purchase yourself, or exercise your way through you feel your energy is depleted. Everyone is withdrawing from your energy bank via conversations about themselves (I’m extremely guilty of this), things they need you to do for them (my boss is extremely guilty of this), or just your daily responsibilities and commitments to those around you. In a perfect world we could wake up when we want and accomplish what we want or don’t want to for the day, but in reality the show must go on no matter how you feel.

I say all of this to say that even though the world isn’t a perfect place we can all do our part by understanding that EVERYONE is going through something. Instead of constantly withdrawing, wouldn’t it be great if we made just one deposit a day into someone else’s energy bank? It could be as simple as a compliment, or taking the trash out without being told. If you’re a child, you could do your homework without resistance and clean your room without the slightest protest.

I’ve learned that the little things restore me. A simple, “I see you and I applaud your efforts to not be defeated” will keep me going all day. It’s better than coffee. Disclaimer: I don’t make new year resolutions but I’m always compelled to change things when I feel something isn’t right. This is completely coincidental that this epiphany is happening so close to the new year. Nevertheless, join me in investing in someone else’s happiness and I’m sure it will come back around ten fold. Hello 2014!

2014