Daddy, Where Have You Been?

My guilty pleasures are the following: celebrity gossip, designer shoes and bad reality television.  Recently, two of my favorite worlds collided when semi-celebrity DJ Big Tigga invited Love & Hip Hop Atlanta’s bad girl Mary Jane (stage name) on his show to discuss her very public, very steamy and very sexually fueled episode with a very publicly married man.  When she was asked why she engaged in certain sexual activities with this married man, her response was simple, “he took those vows, not me.”   *Gasps and grabs pearls*…No this b—- didn’t just say that!

As a single woman, this statement is scary for multiple reasons.  First, woman tend to think, no matter how lame, disgusting and deadbeat their guy may be, that you as the single woman are desperate enough to jump his dusty bones.  She just confirmed this theory.  Next, as a woman who plans to marry, it’s crazy to think that another woman will disregard the seriousness of the marital bond that I will share with my husband.  

But wait, she wasn’t finished.  “If he doesn’t respect his marriage, why should I?”  Things just got real. She continued, “My advice is for father’s to love their daughters.  I’m not condoning what I did or what I do but…”.  All of a sudden my chest tightened.  Immediately I thought of my daughters fathers lack of influence in her life.  Of course she has my dad to cater to her every need, but is that enough of a preventative measure to keep her from turning into a gold-digging, husband stealing, side-piece?  Am I underestimating the impact of his absence?

She’s at an age where questions are being raised on his where-a-bouts on a regular basis.  She often will say how she wishes he was here.  I’ve disregarded these things because I don’t fell like financially, her life is lacking.  However, it’s clear that she needs something  more.  She needs his adoration, his affection, his attention his presence.  As much as I hate to admit it, she needs him, just as I needed my father. 

I think I just had a break through. 

 

To hear the interview in its entirety listen here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKHgzaFZapE 

The Double Standard

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I am a single mother and I want to say Happy Daddy’s Day to all the great men out there taking care of their children and possibly someone else’s.  Now that that is out of the way, let me say this: To all of my single, bitter, resentful mother’s – it is not your place to denounce this day or make your PSA’s calling out the deadbeat you selected to procreate with. 

Spare us the paragraph posts about your pitiful plite and how you are wishing yourself and all the other bitter, resentful single moms a happy father’s day.  Do some dads fall short, yes.  On the other hand, aren’t there some moms that have fallen short as well?  I mean let’s be honest, I’ve encountered PLENTY of unfit single mother’s. So ladies, the next time you feel the urge to bash the next man, pick up a mirror and take a good look at the person who needs to be checked.

-We love you dad and don’t let anyone steal your joy today!

I hate to admit it but I’ve always believed in fairy tales.  Unfortunately, over time, life has had a funny way of showing me that fairy tales may be best suited for the television screen.  Nevertheless, after a failed relationship with my daughters father I still believed that the equally fabulous “single-mother me” could find true love (gags while typing).  Yes, dating is hard, but I was ready.

So I met a guy and he was nice.  He brought me flowers, and a polka dot shirt (don’t judge me).  He opened doors and complimented me when I would get dressed, but I was mean to him.  I wasn’t sure if I liked him or his gestures, after all, guys are always nice during the chase…right? Then I began to assess why I was so mean and I realized I was afraid.  I was afraid of a fairy tale love. Although I liked the idea in theory, I felt that in reality it could never be, mainly because I wasn’t perfect.

I had baggage.  I never felt that I was a bag lady before (I always purchase shoes over bags), but meeting him and seeing how perfect he was began to make me see how perfect I wasn’t.  He had no children, a great job, and a wonderful sense of fashion. Yes, I questioned his sexuality at first, but after close examination I determined he was in fact 100 percent heterosexual.

How could I want, and constantly seek perfection from a spouse when I was flawed? I don’t regret my daughter, and he never made me feel like he had a problem with me having a child, but I realized the responsibility that he would be taking on if we became serious and it scared me straight out of my potential fairy tale.  The thought of combinding my daughters life with another person who had the potential of failing us both was overwhelming and I quickly crumbled.

Eventually he became distant, maybe in response to my distance.  Then I thought to myself, anyone not willing to fight for us isn’t right for us.  Conclusion: I’m glad I waited to see if it was real.  Maybe fairy tales do exist and I just haven’t found my prince yet.

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